My beloved siblings in our community of faith,

As you can imagine, SO MANY deep feelings course through my system now on a daily basis. Having announced my retirement from the Church (my last Sunday will be January 1, 2017), I now swing between hugely intense emotions not just on Sundays but each day of the week. I feel sorrow, loss, hope about the future, worry, love, caring…I carry dreams for the church, respect for your vision, devotion to you individually and collectively, and so much more.

I feel like I am walking around as one, big, pulsating bundle of strong feelings. And, as I have told YOU ALL so many times, there is no way out but through. I have to feel the loss and grieve, cry, and also embrace the hope and the new life that will begin soon for you all and for me. And somehow, with a both broken and hopeful heart, continue to lead meetings, preach on Sundays, laugh at Café Office Hours, and worry about our finances! I am very very much with you, and also backing nervously toward the door. As I preached on October 9 in the “Managers, Firefighters, and Exiles” sermon, I am one big hot mess.

But I do want to say this: the two strongest, most intense and abiding feelings I am having now—day in and day out—are love and gratitude. I am just loving you all up. I love your courage, I love what you say in Sermon Response Time, I love your humor, I love your quirks, I love how you stay for one full hour visiting together in Coffee Hour, I love how generous you are, I love how you love your kids and all our church kids, I love how you love God, I love how you love me, I love how you sing songs you have never sung before and give it your all, I just love you.

And I am also feeling unending and undiluted gratitude. This is hard to express because it is so huge. I feel so darn grateful (feel free to replace a stronger word in that previous sentence). I feel SO GRATEFUL. I feel grateful that you have gone with me on this journey of a lifetime for the past almost 12 years, grateful that you have been so tolerate of my flaws, grateful that you have been so forgiving of my (many) mistakes, grateful that you have loved good sermons and endured bad ones with aplomb, grateful that you care for each other and me with such tenderness, grateful that you know me well and still love me, grateful that you are a one-in-a-million congregation, grateful that you think I am funny even when I am just corny or silly in church. I am grateful that you love well and deeply, and forgive easily and often.

Right now, in between the panic about the future and the endless life review I seem to be engaged in, the strongest feelings I am having about YOU ALL are love and gratitude. And those feelings permeate everything.

Thank you for your enduring love. I am sorry that my very human side has messed up over the years and I am completely and thoroughly grateful for your patience and forgiveness. Thank you for everything you have taught me. You are fine teachers and I have grown tremendously under your tutelage.

Bless you, each one of you. I love you and am so grateful to you. Truly.  — Pastor Andrea